How Do I Truly Feel For the Dibfilth, Then?
by Vurianna
Summary: Zim was banished, being told he was a defect! Now, with nothing to do, he decides to find out if the emotions he felt on a daily basis were what he thought they were. What does Google say about how he feels for Dib? Eventual ZaDr. Rated T because I can!
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: Woot! New story! Just randomly thought of this... =)**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I was not awesome enough to come up with IZ. I am not Jhonen Vasquez.**

**Criticism accepted with lots of love! Eventual ZaDr. Enjoy! Haha :D  
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><p>The Tallest's laughter roared through the air, green, thick, tears melting from their eyes in pure amusement. After a long while, their mirth died down, chuckles barely escaping their lips. Sighing, Red looked at the screen hovering in front of him and Purple. Zim stood there, his lekku lowered in embarrassment; his shoulders slumped forward in a useless action to hide himself from the other two Irkens. It stung him. Everything was hurting. The water that had once before gorged over him, burned the green skin. It was no longer flawless; red bumps and blisters sprouted, tender, dark jade flesh showing. His uniform was ragged, almost torn to shreds. The Dib had pulled his antennae, and at the moment, it was twitching uncontrollably. He was unsure how it all happened; he just knew it started with the gash that flew across his back. Purple blood was oozing out, leaving Zim to look a total mess. He didn't even have time to heal; his Tallests had called him, almost immediately after he returned to the safety of his base. They stared at him, laughing, unstopping. The Irkens that were surveying the scene snickered as well, trying to hide their hilarity in his appearance.<p>

"And to think we were going to tell him, too! Oh Irk, this is the funniest yet!" Tallest Red said, ignoring the fact that the Irken he was gossiping about what standing right there.

Attempting to hide his smirk, Purple declared with much effort, "Zim. Even though today was especially despicable of you, we can no longer play this charade. The Control Brain has tired of our games. If it were me, I would've kept this up much longer, seeing as you were much entertainment, from the routine schedules we have."

Zim tensed, he was wondering where this was going. He had a hunch; he had been suspicious the entire time he was on Earth. Shifting his weight, Zim squinted his eyes ever so slightly at the screen, swallowing the lump that had collected in his throat.

"As we are Tallests, our authority grants us the power to follow the Control Brains' higher wishes, as well as our own." They said in unison. "We have been given orders, and will proceed to do as we were commanded. Elite Irken Soldier Zim, you have been stripped of your title. You will no longer be involving yourself in Operation Impending Doom II. As you are on the planet Earth, you are to no longer return to Irk, nor are you to leave the galaxy in which surrounds the planet. If you are found so, you will be diminished quickly, quietly, and without thought. You are an exile now, and have received the identification, as _Banished. _Do not return contact with us, as you are no longer in the hive. This is your punishment as being a defect. In our knowledge, a poison known as water is surrounding around 90 percent of the planet. To deal with the poison, is your penalty for destroying our development in Operation Impending Doom I."

Zim's head was swirling, everything around him was foggy. What he had just heard, he had expected, but did not want. It did not help that his pak was going into overdrive, repairing Zim's body was exerting. The screen in front of him went black, as did his vision. He collapsed on the ground, and would lay there until he was strong enough to stand up.

The day disappeared, letting the night sky shroud humanity. The moon shined brightly, glinting off the odd, green house. Inside, the television blurred, quietly screening the Angry Monkey Show. Strangely, the little dog that watched TV was giggling, delighted at the hypnotism of the monkey in front of him. Underneath the house above, Zim laid on the floor of his labs, his breathing shallow as he healed in considerable amounts. The pak had finally allowed Zim to wake, his ruby eyes opening into small slits. His eyes widened, his house hummed gently as he regained his senses. Zim jolted up, remembering what happened. He knew it wasn't a dream, or was it?

"Computer," his voice was hoarse, as he continued speaking, "Pull up the last conversation with the Tallests."

He sat comfortably on the floor, asking the Computer to heat up the tile below him. The computer obliged, his personality feeling sympathy for the Irken. After knowing Zim all these years, it knew he was fully loyal to the Armada. He stayed silent, not complaining as he pulled up the conversation. Zim watched the whole thing through once more, his heart shattering into a million pieces. _What now? _He thought, pulling himself off of the floor. He had nothing left, whatever he had once did one Earth, was all for the sake of destroying the pitiful humans. He was bored, and devising a plan to destroy and conquer the dirt-ball would not help the pain in his chest. He stood there silently, waiting several minutes for his pak to decide what to do.

"Computer!" he yelled, "Bring me to the safe room!"

Wires exited the ceiling, coming down, lifting Zim up gently. Another mechanical hand came out, wrapping Zim tightly in the blanket. The wires lifted Zim higher, pulling him into the ceiling. He was placed in a shaft that ascended, bringing him into the roof of his house. He was not where his ship was, though. He had placed another room in there, a place that only he and the computer knew about. He would hide in there for hours, comforted by cushions surrounding him. This was the place he let his guard down, where he would cry until his body shook. He only needed this room to comfort him, and, it became evident to him that this area was proof that he was a defect. He wouldn't need to cry of he really wasn't, right? The computer held Zim there, the space below him closing into the floor. The room was small, but Zim was scrawny enough to allow another person to fit in there. Cushions sprouted below him, giving him the feeling he was one a squishy cloud that did not burn him. Walls enclosed around Zim, the light dim in the hollow walls. He lay on the floor, curling into a small shape as he was comforted by the warmth around him. Soft, classical music began, the music clashing with Zim's antennae's. He curled up closer to himself, silent tears falling slowly. Normally, he only needed to spend half an hour in here, the beginning, to ponder on his thoughts. The rest of the time spent to shower himself in green, staining tears. He did not begin to think, the tears already flowing smoothly from his eyes. He squinted the closed, his body quivering as the tears racked his body. He shivered, cold, as hiccups overcame him. The rest of the night, Zim lay there, drowsing himself to sleep. Little did Zim know, Dib had tried once again to infiltrate his base, this time going through a weakness he found in the attic. He heard sniffling, and low, heartbreaking music. He realized it was Zim, as muffled noises escaped his mouth.

"Why?" he would hear Zim cry out, speaking to no one but himself.

He did not know what happened, or where Zim was right now. Dib was certain, though, that Zim did not know he had entered, or heard him sob. Dib sat silently, listening to Zim blubber, his snuffles of pain. Assembled in his spot, leaning against the wall for hours, Dib heard hiccups, then the crying died down. Deep, even breaths came to his ears as Zim slumbered. Dib got up, exiting the house quietly. He did not understand, but he would never mention this to anyone. He was too soft-hearted to let anyone know of this, and would be too embarrassed if Zim found out. Deciding that he would not try to annoy the alien for awhile, Dib walked slowly down the street, heading back to his house as the sun began to rise, coloring the sky shades of orange and yellow.

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><p><strong>First chapter! What'dya think? Comments? Maybe? Lol<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so happy you liked chapter 1! And so here is chapter 2! Woot! Lemme know what you think. :)  
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** Zim? The uke? He might be... **

**Tried spacing this differently, I think... hopefully there is a difference. =P**

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><p>Zim was shaken awake, the computer's tendrils attempting to pull Zim back into reality. The Irkens face was tight, dry tears painting his face. His eyelids opened slowly, reluctant to let go of the weight that pulled them down. Zim waited, lying there, as the computer lifted his weight and pulled off the stained blanket, loosely laying a fresh one over Zim's figure. Placed into the elevator, his legs became weak, collapsing under him. He fell forward, uncaring about his occurring predicament. Wires jolted through the ceiling of the elevator, stopping the movement of the small shaft. Preventing Zim from connecting painfully with the floor, the computer placed Zim on the floor of the elevator. It was very tempting to yell lazily at Zim, but the blank, lifeless expression on his master's face silenced his metallic voice. Reluctantly, the elevator started up again, mere inches from its destination. The stop was smooth, the doors opening up with a slight breeze of air. Zim sat there, and to plain eyes, he would've seemed like a doll. His only giveaway was the feint rising and falling of his chest. The computer made a noise, making Zim remembered where he was. His legs picking him up, he scrambled out of the elevator, the comforting blanket forgotten in the small elevator. His movements were clumsy, his feet tripping over themselves as the computer attended to keeping him upright. Zim's walking reminded the computer of a 'zombie' on Gir's movie. According to the data he contained, the computer was quite certain that an undead person was, indeed, how his master was acting.<p>

Reaching the bathroom, Zim sat down on the low, white, counter, licking his lips by habit. Cleaning Zim's face with a washcloth, the Computer thought, _Just like a baby…_ as he wiped Zim's face with a washcloth. Immediately, the white cloth turned green, the mucky color sullying yet another fabric. The wire tossed the cloth into the trashcan, knowing that Irken tears would permanently stain any type of cloth. With a much refreshened feeling, Zim moved his jaws around, testing out the flexibility his face gained. Sliding of the counter weakly, he allowed his daily schedule to replay: bathing, updating his pak, and then the daily check-up. After his check-up, the reports concluded that his body was completely fine, yet the machines seemed to have detected something wrong with him. _Perhaps this is the side-effect of being defect? _Zim thought to himself, the rest of his pondering revolving around the words defect, and banished.

By now, the afternoon began, his agenda dramatically deduced to simple threads of what it used to be. He had nothing to do now, and so he attempted to be difficult, acting like the spoiled smeet he never was. Not wanting anything to remind him of the Armada, Zim rejected any Irken produced clothing or food the computer suggested Zim utilize. This included his uniform, basically his entire wardrobe. The one outfit of clothing that was not standard for Invaders, though, was a pair of pajamas. Somehow in his past time, Zim had come across Dib's nightwear. The material was extremely soft, warm, and comforting, and so Zim had taken it without the Dib-stinks approval. He placed them over his green skin, the human boy's scent lingering on it. Gaining a little more confidence in overly succeeding his meticulousness towards the computer, he strutted in the direction of the elevator. Without a word, the elevator shot Zim up to the first level in his base, allowing Zim to exit from the trash bin. He sat on the couch, relaxing his muscles. After several minutes, they tensed up, Zim hearing someone approach the door. The doorbell rang, Zim lazily picking himself up from the spot he had claimed on the sofa. He opened the door, and, seeing the Dib, shut it without another thought. Dib cursed under his breath, once again pushing the circular button on the outside of the green home. The alien inside the house ignored the sound, and so Dib pounded heavily on the door until Zim swung it open once more, glaring at the human. He did not want to deal with the large-headed boy right now; he didn't want to fight any longer. It just reminded him of his mission on Earth.

"What do you want, Dib-stink?" he whispered weakly, wishing for it to have come out more spiteful. His voice was raw, having cried the night before, and having not spoken since his being in the safe room.

Dib hesitated, his mouth opening to say something. _I promised myself not to bother him! And here I am, at his doorway! Now what am I supposed to say? _He yelled in his head, debating on the first thing he should voice aloud. "I…" he began, his voice low and uncertain. He shifted his gaze, staring at a chip in the paneling of Zim's outside walls. Looking back at Zim, he took in his figure, realizing his attire. "I… Wait… Are those my pajamas? Those were my favorite!" He yelled, looking at Zim angrily.

"So? They're mine now!" Zim yelled, selfishly grabbing handfuls of the soft, black material that covered his arms.

The hurt, innocent reflection on the Irkens face softened his glare. Sighing, Dib continued his sentence briefly, himself not truly understanding why he had gone to his alien's house. "I was… wondering, if we could, you know…" he trailed off, staring into the undisguised, ruby eyes. "Start a… a truce?" His voice squeaking in protest at the thought, but he knew Zim's ego would be too much to allow the green boy to suggest such a thing, even in his state of hurt.

Going over the thought of it, Zim replied, "Sure. But, in this… truce, you are not allowed to _expose _me? Correct?"

"It wouldn't be a truce if I didn't, Zim!" He spat, easily annoyed at the obvious question. _Habit… habit… Get rid of it! _The voice in his head yelling demandingly at him.

Zim rolled his eyes, unnoticeable without sclera surrounding the ruby orbs. He looked at Dib hesitantly, expecting this 'truce' to have a side-effect. "But…" Dib continued, "There is one condition…can… can I be allowed to come in your house, whenever?" He questioned, the words exiting his mouth before he could rethink the notion.

Zim was shocked. He supposed it would be along the lines of, 'I can end it whenever, without you knowing' or something just as suspicious. He still was doubtful, he knew Dib had a reason to ask such a thing but the idea of another intelligent individual wandering the house comforted him. "Yeah…" He said shyly, moving from the Dibs path, believing he would want to enter now.

"Thanks!" Dib said, voice rising in volume. Turning around, he walked back down the stairs, meandering out of Zim's yard, a grin plastered to his face as he walked back towards his own home, not even saying goodbye to the alien.

_Strange… _Zim contemplated, his heart sinking slightly as Dib left him situated at the door. He secured the door shut, the computer automatically locking it. Walking down the hallway, he came to a stop in front of a purple door, turning the handle to enter the room. Immediately he was surrounded by a comforting feeling, the warmth and homely atmosphere making him happier. The thought of sleeping entered his head as he shuffled hurriedly towards the pinkish bed, curling up inside the covers. Drifting off into sleep, the hazy vision of a dream played through his mind as his body went slack.

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><p><strong>End-Chapter 2! Lol. Comments, please?<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! Hopefully this is good. It's different compared to the other chapters, but I'm tired! Sorry 'bout the mistakes... :) **

**P.S. I made up the questions and responses... I did not look them up on Google at all.**

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><p>It had been weeks since Dib had last confronted the alien, never once had he entered Zim's base. The Irken, ignoring his Sir unit as much as possible, found ways to distract the poorly educated robot. Zim had walked around the house, littering everywhere, not cleaning up anything. The computer, still slightly sympathetic, took on the task of cleaning the house, as well as Zim. The alien was reluctant to do anything that <em>didn't <em>rot him away. Everyday he would snack on chips, candy, anything sweet or salty that happened to enter his sight. He would lie around the base, sleeping lazily in random areas on the floor of his base. His new habits included watching TV, sketching pictures of anything, and tinkering with projects that would prove helpful during his new lifetime on Earth.

Zim grew tired of his everyday habits, squirming around the house in search of some form of entertainment. Several times, he thought of teatime with Gir and Mini Moose, but the idea made him shudder in fear. Now, he sat in his chair in the lab, leaning back into the cushions. Thoughts ran through his mind, the unforgettable moment of that day acting as the seed of these thoughts. A wire exited the ceiling, taking the empty wrappers and chip bags away from Zim. _What if…I could take over Irk? Then I could kill those little… _He snickered, letting the thought fade away. He could never do that with his small voot cruiser, another thought forming in his head. _Since I'm a defect, is that why I was always treated differently? A defect… I'm a defect… does that affect just my pak? What if Zim's body is affected as well? That is probably why I'm short._ He frowned at this thought, pride keeping him from thinking too much about his lack of height. _Is it because I was hanging around these INFERIOR stinky hyumans? Or have I been a defect before that? Maybe… Maybe my pak was intelligent, and decided to blend in with these hyumans? Then, that's why I got these icky feelings! Then they decided to banish me! I need more cotton candy…_

"Computer!" he yelled aloud, pausing his thoughts only to get the desired treat. "Bring me some…pink cotton candy!" He pulled his arms into the air, hands open in a 'Gimme' motion. After getting his sugary sweet, he continued his thoughts.

_But…I've had these feelings since I was born! That doesn't mean I'm a defect, does it? They're all the same as any Irken's feelings. Possessiveness, Anger, Superiority… At least I think that's what they are… _

Zim suddenly felt uncertain about his feelings. He had best described them as an Irken's way of thinking, yet the nagging fact that he was a defect made him think otherwise. _Does this mean my FEELINGS are false? No, because I feel my feelings with feelingness… It just means that my feelings are normal… but then that means they could be different! For all I know, my FEELINGS could be the cause of my defective appearance towards my race! Then, that means my feelings aren't Irken…Then what about the Dib-filth? Does that mean my hatred towards him is fake? NO! Never! His… filthy, big-head is filled with mush! He is my true, mortal enemy! But… I need to make sure… _

Zim sat up in his chair, trying impossibly hard to erase the thought from his memories. The need to prove that his feelings of hatred towards Dib were real became an impulsive urge. Standing up, he marched around, just to sit back down in his chair. He glared intently at the computer screen in front of him as if he might lose the staring contest he was having with it. With a sigh of defeat, he pulled up the Internet, typing in the word _Google_. It pulled up the search, his green, three-fingered hand hesitantly typing in,

'What is hatred?' Entering the question, the website showed several links answering similar questions to his. Clicking on one, he read it fully, absorbing the details. 'When you hate someone, you get entirely annoyed when they're around you, and you want to be away from them as much as possible. Then, you feel like killing them or something because they bother you too much. You just probably can't stand them, and their personality!' Zim imagined the person to have defined this, to have true hatred towards another person. Zim concluded that this was not how he felt towards Dib.

Over the years, he stopped feeling the need to send Dib to his bloody, horrid, pitiful demise. Instead, he was satisfied with winning against Dib in their battles. He also did not want to be away from Dib, at all. Instead, he kept a close eye on him, getting in as many fights as possible with the boy. Excluding now, when he had spent his weeks in seclusion, his 'parents' describing to the Skool how he was sick, and wouldn't be attending the middle school for quite some time. He felt sick anyhow, so at least he wasn't entirely lying. Exiting the link, Zim typed in 'I like being around this person. He's annoying, but I feel like he is my equal compared to others. What is this feeling?' The search didn't come up with many answers, but by chance a person had asked a similar question on a link. Clicking on this page, he read the response this person got. 'You silly! How can you not know it? You like them!' That simple phrase echoed in his head, he imagined someone quite girly saying that, but it shocked Zim to complete, utter, horror.

"That is definitely NOT how I feel towards the stink-monkey!" He yelled, thrashing about his laboratory.

Panic swelled in his throat, the room somehow shrinking around him. He thought about it, somehow it made _perfect _sense to his brain. The games became fun! He watched the hyuman because he wanted to, laughing at him as rotten food was thrown at him, and it lead to _this_? Zim didn't want to believe the site, but knew the truth in that phrase. Or was it truth? Maybe this website doesn't get how he feels! Maybe he was going crazy, hallucinating, and believing in anything he sees? He stood in the middle of the room, arguing with himself, if he should believe that person or not. He decided to believe it. Defect? How was he supposed to know what to feel? They didn't prepare him at all for this before they abandoned him. Zim's stomach churned, he needed more sweets. He was going to act on this- _feeling _before he doubted himself again. He was discarded from his own race, but that didn't mean no one would accept him. Dib, did, after all, see past his disguise, and realize the alien hidden behind his master camouflage. _I'm not going to be this lonely and lazy while I live on Earth… it will be quite a long time, anyways. Might as well live it out with someone I can stand... _Sitting back down in his office chair, he pressed his forefinger to his temples, rubbing the spots to rid himself of the newly forming headache. A small, sincere smile graced his face. The thought of researching something new was making him giddy with excitement; no matter what the topic was, as long as he was researching something.

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><p><strong>=3 Reviews! Please? I want to know what to change! Or, ideas...<br>**


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